Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Living With Parents

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Our future looks bright and we are as happy as we can be.  We have become part of the 30% of grown adult children living with their parents.

This is a growing trend, in our country at least.  For us, we have resorted to this measure due to what seems to us to be catastrophic circumstances.  We cannot complain though, for we are comfortable, happy, and things at my father-in-law's house are stress-free and quiet.  I have taken over the cleaning and cooking aspect here, and this makes me extremely happy as I'm able to be productive doing what makes me happy, and it allows me to bless not only Daniel, but my father-in-law as well.

I find I'm much busier getting settled than I thought I would be, however I do have time to crochet and such at the end of the day.  I love that my day is full, and I can see that things will settle some soon.  I know that this era of activity will come to an end, and by then I will probably be glad.  For now though, I feel at home because I'm able to cook, clean, crochet and do all those things that make me a housewife.

We are blessed in that we have our own bedroom with furniture upstairs.  We are fortunate in that I'm allowed to cook and clean to my heart's content, but not slave-driven.  I can stop when I feel like it and cook whatever I want, even shopping at the grocery store for whatever it is I feel I may need.  I understand some do not have even these privileges and know I'm lucky.

My father-in-law is like-minded in the sense of frugality, so this is good.  Turning lights off when we're not in a room, not letting the water run non-stop, not wasting food, etc is a way of life for the thrifty.  I'm addicted to being careful with money and resources, so his lifestyle suits ours.

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At any rate, I wanted to give you guys a brief update as to how our lifestyle had changed and maybe some tips if you are faced with such an adjustment in your marriage and lives.

I believe having a good attitude helps in the attitude of others.  If I want to be respected and loved, I need to show my love and respect.  If I want someone to be nice, I need to be nice.  I have the gift of hospitality even though I hate people, and for this I'm grateful.  This is my home, and I want everyone living in my home to be at peace.  I want them to eat good food and live in a pleasant atmosphere full of laughter and low stress.  I do everything I can to create that atmosphere.  Just as a discontent heart breeds discontentment around you, peace breeds peace.

I understand that if you put any two people in the same house for long enough, there will be arguments and some working of each others nerves.  If I look for the signs that it is coming, perhaps I can soften the blow or do something to correct the situation before a big blow up comes.  I spoke of this in  "How to Fight" as it pertains to Daniel and myself.  I believe some of this will work in these circumstances as well.  I think when we've all had enough of each other, we will pick up on this and hole up for a day in our room or whatever.

Something else that I think helps is to actually be a part of the household.  By this I mean, don't hole up in your bedroom for most of the day every day.  For us, this means coming downstairs and having coffee with his dad,watching movies together, taking part in household chores, even helping out where we can.  His dad's truck needed the brake line fixed and Daniel was so happy to be able to do this.  I don't feel like we are on each others nerves, so I don't want to be away from everyone.  I want to be down here where everyone else is doing things and going about their day.

We had one rule in our home before and it's one we carry with us.  That one rule is, "Respect".  Respect property and belongings.  Respect a person's time.  Respect a person's feelings.  In all things, respect.  This means, when we got here, we spent the rest of our meager budget on food to help with expenses.  This means, cleaning up after ourselves and helping out with other household chores.  This means, when his father speaks - we really listen to what he is saying.  This means we care for his property as if it is our own.  We don't go through his things.  We fix things and clean.  We try not to be hard on things by slamming doors and such.  We respect his lifestyle and are thankful he is as frugal as we are.

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Speaking of which, something that could have been a sticking point is lifestyle.  He respects our choices in what we allow and do not allow in our home in the watching of television and movies.  You can hardly find a television show out there that doesn't have cleavage in it, and I'm so grateful he is careful about it around us.  I'm not sure if he understands the way of it, but he doesn't need to.  He respects our wishes that we don't want it and that is enough for him.  He also doesn't ask questions about it, he just respects.  For this I'm so thankful.  For instance, the Super Bowl is coming up, and the commercials in that alone will probably be bad by our measuring stick, not to mention the cheerleaders and half-time show.  This is almost a holiday in some American homes, so it could have been kind of a big deal that Daniel and I don't want to watch it.  As it is, though, it's not a big deal.  No drama over it or anything, and I'm grateful.

Parents have a great deal to teach, as they have lived through many situations.  They've "been there, done that" and I choose to learn all I can.  Daniel's father is such an amazing person.  He was a sniper in Vietnam.  He looks like Papa Smurf.  He loves his dogs and his family.  He's not hard to get along with that I can tell so far.  He's appreciative and giving.  Just by these things alone, you can see why I want to get to know the man better.

Someone had brought up the point that we might could stay here for the long haul.  I do not know.  I suppose anything is possible.  For Daniel, I know he would rather us stand on our own two feet if for nothing else other than pride.  I am not sure how his father would feel about this, as he's been living alone for a while now and may like his privacy and solitude.  For me, sure I could live here and be happy.  I've been thinking a lot about that suggestion yesterday and today, and wasn't sure how I felt about that possibility (however remote) until his father mentioned putting in a garden out back this spring.  Will we be here this spring?  I don't know.  The thought of a garden here delighted me.  I immediately thought, "and how about a clothesline?"  So, yes, at this point I know I'd be happy being here for the long term.  But, we are still in the "honeymoon phase".  It's something like day three.  We'll see how we all feel in a month or two.  For all I know, by then it could be world war III, lol!

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  1. I'm SO glad everything is going well there! I'm curious about what you meant by having the gift of hospitality but hating people, lol.

  2. It is a paradox, lol! I hate going to, say, Walmart to do a grocery shop as I'm there to do business and invariably there will be a woman in the middle of the aisle talking on her cell phone as loud as she possibly can, a guy in line getting hostile with his unruly children, and a lady in the parking lot just looking to run me over as I make my way to the car.

    Put these same people in my house and I'll be polite and take the utmost care to ensure they are comfortable and fed, lol!

    Most people I run across work my nerves, whether it's a slobbering clerk who can't correctly count back my change or a power-tripping CEO cutting me off on the expressway.

  3. Housewife from FinlandJanuary 28, 2016 at 5:16 AM

    ^^I am the same. Most people really annoy me, but if they come to my house, I am the Politeness Itself and they well get fed.

  4. Ha!! I KNEW that's what you meant!! I'm the same way, lol! Oh you and I would have a field day going through my Walmart together, lol!

  5. LoL i also kinda knew Housewife in Finland was the same way! Isn't it funny how we all roll our eyes at the same people, lol!

  6. I'm afraid to admit I am the same. I find going out a trial most of the time, as people's manners here have become poorer, right along with the vulgar language that is so much a part of UK culture now.
    I also have something called Misophonia, which means I am probably much more sensitive to some of the issues, such as someone talking loudly on a mobile phone, or individuals speaking so loudly in a restaurant or shop tha you hear every word of their conversation.
    It would be a much better world if we could all think of others in the home and out of it.

  7. I think it's OK to live with parents as long as there is mutual respect and the house is big enough. There is something Victorian about this arrangement. People in those days used to have closer contact with extended family than now.

  8. Housewife from FinlandFebruary 1, 2016 at 4:52 AM

    I would so very much like to read about your opinions on cleavages and such. :) I mean clothes, modesty, feminine and masculine roles and such. I never get tired on reading things like that, since here in Finland there is no discussion about these matters. People would think I am crazy if I would say that I do not want to watch programs with too much cleavage...

    Of course things are bit different here. Since we have the sauna culture, nakedness is no big deal here. We can be naked and there is nothing sexual in it. But I think that we should still make some difference between "nakedness in sauna" and "nakedness in public".

    One more thing about living with parents: I understand Daniels pride, but what if his old father actually needs you? I have been thinking that if my mother dies before my father, we could live with my father. I wouldn't mind taking care of him.

    1. I've written somewhat on it, and will post links at the bottom of this comment, but I'll make a newer post soon. I, too, need to read and immerse myself in these kinds of opinions and such because it seems we are bombarded with the opposite opinion so often.

      His father does not really need us at this point in time, as far as he is capable of driving and doing small tasks as long as he takes his time. This is a big house though, and a lot to clean. If we do decide to get our own place, I'll come in once a week to clean. We'll also talk to him every day on the phone.

      I feel bad for you that you live in such a culture. I thought it couldn't get worse than here in the United States, between movies and magazines and women of all ages using their bodies to gain favor with the opposite sex so they feel more beautiful.

      I'm thinking we'll probably end up getting our own place. Daniel really wants it, and I have to admit it is nice having a bit more privacy and so forth.




  9. Housewife from FinlandFebruary 1, 2016 at 10:09 AM

    Thank you for the links!

    I do understand the need of privacy. :)

    I think that situation here is in some way worse than in US, and in some ways better. It's been years since I visited US, but I have the idea that the culture there can be very superficial? It seems to me that all young ladies wear so much make up and put so much attention to their clothes. It seems to me that being an attention whore is concidered a good thing in media? That attitude is getting to Finland, too, I notice it when I see girls in their early 20's and even older.

    But Finland is still somewhat "innocent", at least in my age group and older(I am 37). People do not mind nudity, but most people are not so vain, and looking "perfect" is not so big deal. I neve wear make-up and that does not really draw attention, unless I talk about it. Then people do rise their eyebrows. :)

  10. Thank you Michelle for all your writing. It's so good to learn what's happening in your life.:)

    Two different periods, over the years, we have had my parents live next-door to us which we've loved. It was great to have their tremendous and welcome support (and hopefully vice versa) however at the same time we very much appreciated our privacy and independence.

    I'm trying to send this comment via "anonymous" as when I use Google account, the link shows my blog is Apron Revolution which it is NOT.I haven't ever had a blog but in the past had enjoyed reading that one. Maybe there was a mistake when my darling husband set up that account years ago.

    Linda L