Imperfection

                                      
I believe in transparency and accountability.  I hold myself to a high standard about the stuff I write here, because if I do not, then I'm lying to you, the reader.  If I tell you, "keep a clean home", my home must be clean, or if I say, "do not spend money frivolously", then I must keep an eye on my own budget.   There are some who believe if you can't achieve it, then teach it.  This thought process would cause me to literally lose sleep at night.

You are imperfect.  You house might be unsightly and maybe you don't know what a granny ripple pattern looks like.  Perhaps you don't walk your dog, at all, ever.  Maybe your husband's diet consists of McDonalds and Banquet dinners.  Maybe you are thinking, "Who is this woman and how can I attain that level of dedication and perfection?"  I must tell you that I, too, am imperfect.  It's an odd thing really, because I'm also a perfectionist.  It's what makes me sometimes not do things because I will think, Why do it at all if I can't do it exceptionally.  I, at times, will have an unkempt home.  I, at times, will spend money on tacos instead of saving it.  There are a lot of times during the day where I, too, fail.

This is not to say I ever cheat on my husband or things of this nature.  In all things and in all times I am loyal to him and could not shame him, for I love him.  It's not in my nature or character or thought process to do evil to him.  Doing evil to your spouse isn't failing; it is an act that comes from a thought process and a character flaw I believe.  I do bring my husband harm occasionally by breaking the peace of our household by not cleaning on a day where I just don't feel like it.  I do not do evil.



What I am saying is, I might drone on about doing your dishes every day, but know that there are a few days a year where I will skip it.  I have to do laundry at a laundry mat, and there are times I won't make the bed because I can't put fresh sheets on when I feel the bed needs it.  We eat out and sometimes quite a bit, even though I'm capable of providing a healthy supper.  There are weeks Daniel has to pay for breakfast from Emily at Quick Trip or go without because I didn't prepare one for him.

I'll go a week or two sometimes without doing much of anything, particularly during a long, hot summer.  I get the summer blahs like most people do during the winter, where I just can't get motivated to care.  It's a seasonal depression that does go away, but know that I, too, stumble and fall just like anyone else.

Daniel and I have arguments just like other couples.  In fact, about once a year, we will have a pretty good argument that might go on for a couple of hours or so.  Sometimes I'm the instigator of these arguments.  Sometimes I don't really start arguments, but will say cutting things to him if I'm cranky and rob him of peace and happiness.  I am imperfect and thank goodness he understands this.  No, he doesn't condone this behavior, he just understands it and may point it out to me or let it go depending on the situation.



Another type of imperfection altogether, has to do with outside beauty.  It amazes me that most of nature really isn't caught up in being pretty to any and all who view it.  The butterfly above for example, probably does not care what you or I think of it.  Not all of us can compete with the random supermodel on the cover of Cosmo.  In fact, most of the models on the cover of Cosmo couldn't compete with themselves without the invention of programs like Photo-shop.  Sure we'd all like to be 110 pounds because this is what most health and beauty companies are brainwashing us with, but most of us who aren't anorexic will never achieve what these companies and Hollywood see as beautiful.  It just has to be enough that you are beautiful to your husband.  If he were not attracted to you, my guess is he wouldn't have chose you to marry.  No matter what you think of yourself, if your husband is married to you, he loves you and thinks you are truly beautiful.  


Striving to live the purpose God has for me is sometimes hard and can be stressful because of my own stubbornness or lack of "want to".  It still beats being someone else's secretary 40 hours a week  even on the worst days, because I'm here doing what God has laid out for me to do.  I keep a home.  Sometimes I don't keep a clean home.  Sometimes my home is in a bit of disarray due to my selfishness or laziness.  I'm here every day though, struggling through it, unwilling to give up because there is a joy in my heart at living out my purpose even when I fail.