Peace and Balance

Someone named Jody had commented over on Daniel's Corner.  When I first read the comment, I really only perused it.  Then something she said caught my eye.  I read Daniel's post "Laid Off Among Other Things" and then I read Jody's comment again.  And I read what she said again, and then yet again.  Here is what caught my eye: "He is the peace we need in the world...now and have always needed. Things may be going nuts all over but knowing He is alive helps keep balance in a troubled world."

Of course I knew this, but I was compelled to read it...to really read it.  To listen to what she said with all of my being.  I read that comment more than 4 times.  I cannot say how many, but I know it was at least four.

I discovered that I had lost my balance in seeing Paris and remembering 9/11.  I was fearful for the French people, for the world, and for my family.  I was worrying, fretting, and angry.  I was angry at our government, the Federal Reserve, at those responsible for 9/11, and at those responsible for the attacks on Paris.  I was frustrated at people who only listen to CNN or FOX News.  I was angry at people who know what I know yet do nothing because they are helpless to do so, just as I feel helpless to do anything and so do nothing.  My anger grew and in a very short amount of time.

 

I had to look it up because I couldn't remember the exact wording.  James 1:19-20 is one my pastor had preached on at least once a year when I was a youth.  Ecclesiastes 7:9 is one I stumbled upon just by looking for the verse I wanted to remember.  Perhaps some memorization is in order, eh?

My worrying had to be dealt with later.  At that moment I had to deal with my wrath.  In my earlier post I had told you guys that when the towers came down, and the speeches commenced, my blood boiled just as much as any red-blooded American.  I wanted vengeance and on an epic scale.  I am ashamed of this and also wrote of my shame in that same post.  I worried the French government and our own government would justify putting boots on the ground in Syria over this, or maybe something akin to this.  I was worried about war and legislation taking away liberties.  However, what I did not look at was what was going on inside myself.  My own wrath.  My anger unchecked.  I was quick to speak and slow to listen to what it was God wanted me to say, if anything, on the subject.

I needed to look at my own walk with our Lord.  I need to repent and ask forgiveness for this transgression and for anything dreadful it might have caused, for "the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God."  I am truly sorry for my anger.  I do still believe the things I said, but my perspective has come back into balance, so to speak.  Yes, this world has a lot of evil in it.  Yes black is white, and white is black, and all seems upside down.  However, Satan's days are numbered.  It is not for me to change the world or to enlighten people.  This isn't the purpose God has for me on this earth.  My purpose is wholly different in objective and scope.

He is the peace I need.  My focus was lost, and I am not entirely sure for how long it has been lost.  I do see the post I made and I do see Jody's comment, and I see my need for a change in focus.  I lost my center.  I lost the purpose of this blog and I'm sorry.  Please forgive my wrathful post, not written with peace or Christ in mind, but was written with speed of hand and lack of care.  It was written in anger.  I was wrong in making that post, so it does not really matter why I made it or what my thinking was.  All that matters is that I was wrong, and I see that now.  I am sorry for losing my center, for losing control of my temper, and for whatever effects that may have had on anyone reading it...whether it provoked them to anger also, or indeed any other negative feelings.

I also need to thank you, Jody, for having the courage to post such a comment, and I am grateful that your comment was written in love and not hate.  God is not blind.  He does see all of this.  He does know.  I don't know what He's waiting for.  Maybe for that last person to finally have true understanding, accept the blood that was sacrificed on his/her behalf, and repent.  He is merciful to give us so much time.   We live in a harsh era, but we still have time.  God will accomplish His purpose in my life if I would but get out of the way.